Monday

slave training instructions

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from her would be Master, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often her heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters. 

By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?


I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

Why the Mystery

When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace
and self-confidence


Beginning With the Macro View

Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don't despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.
Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.


 

This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training. It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.


Some Simple Truths About Training



It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the Master to his slave and all learning is absorbed by the slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.

Yes, the Master instructs and the slave learns yet at the same time the Master is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he is learning about the new submissive, his own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the Master formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for her training, training that is individualized and specific to his particular slave.

Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual.
Submissive Training Categories


I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas  or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and end up with more than eight. Yet it isn't the number of categories that is important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training categories include...



This is a natural place to pause. Next time we will begin to seek the devil in the details of the above listed areas beginning with physical training. As we go along, I will endeavor to explain in detail what may be expected in each area and will also provide some illustrative examples from my own personal experiences.


The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training. Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find it useful to read first, 
Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.

Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught. 


Position Training


Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate the positions.
The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them, all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.


To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives
and slaves.


A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that
he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.
In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even
model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the
resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There
are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I
have never been required to learn them all.


With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the
introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,
there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to
physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also
learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of
the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a
hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the
traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically
for BDSM.


The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a
submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and
attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of
the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.
For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,
disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a
substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving
physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for "parking" a
submissive whose services aren't needed at the moment and who aren't permitted
to repose on furniture.


Posture Training


Posture training - learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,
frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males
to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally
important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at
next.


Kneeling Training


Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.
Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.
With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and the eyes downcast.


Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.


Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.
Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of practice.


Other Physical Training


Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.


To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful, dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from his or her
dominant, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often the heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters. 


By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

Why the Mystery


When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace and self-confidence

Beginning With the Macro View

Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don't despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.
Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.


This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training.
It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.


Some Simple Truths About Training


It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that
training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training
process, all the instruction flows downhill from the dominant to the submissive
and all learning is absorbed by the submissive. Actually nothing could be
further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and
learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way
process.


Yes, the dominant instructs and the submissive learns yet at the same time the
dominant is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense
that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he or she is
learning about the new submissive, his or her own unique personality,
capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the dominant formulate
specific goals, plans and strategies for training, training that is
individualized and specific to that submissive.


Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all
differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from
mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a
complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires
and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false
impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the
same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific
individual.


Submissive Training Categories



I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas
or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and
end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and
end up with more than eight. Yet it isn't the number of categories that is
important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be
taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training
categories include...


The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts
will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training.
Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find
it useful to read first, 
Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.


Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and
postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the
acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants
as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a
submissive yet some things are commonly taught. 


Position Training





Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel
is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the
submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to
position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate 
the
positions
.
The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them,
all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.





To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of
BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices
observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally
Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by
John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange
relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions
that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in
substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some
point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives
and slaves.




A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that
he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.
In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even
model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the
resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There
are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I
have never been required to learn them all.




With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the
introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,
there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to
physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also
learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of
the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a
hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the
traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically
for BDSM.




The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a
submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and
attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of
the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.
For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,
disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a
substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving
physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for "parking" a
submissive whose services aren't needed at the moment and who aren't permitted
to repose on furniture.




Posture Training




Posture training - learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,
frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males
to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally
important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at
next.




Kneeling Training




Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.
Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using
one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.
With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex
since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a
particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and
the eyes downcast.




Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully
exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of
the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It
is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings
when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.




Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or
lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities
that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.
Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most
uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of
practice.




Other Physical Training




Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching
techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote
fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.




To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training
in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me
to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than
eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when
it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling
are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience
and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful,
dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.


Verbal training


Verbal training, our next category, like 
physical
training
 is
multi-faceted, covering numerous areas. Also like all categories, there are
natural overlaps between this category and others. Again I will mention that
while the specific category exposition posts may be read in any order, for
anyone who may have missed 
Understanding
Submissive Training
,
the overview, I feel it would be useful to read that post first for background
before proceeding to the specific training category posts. As with physical
training, I will provide not only explanations but also offer a few illustrative
personal examples of the verbal training instruction that I have received from
past dominants.




Addressing the Dominant




At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or
her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have decided preferences
about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident
that this information will be provided to you.




It has been my experience that once you have submitted to a dominant, in all
likelihood you will never be allowed to address them in the manner you would
address a friend, relative, co-worker or even someone you met at a social
function. A good analogy I think is the way things are done in the military.




Having served in the military, I have had commanding officers. As a pseudonym
let’s call one of them Steven Smith. My commanding officer’s rank was captain. I
was a sergeant at the time I served under Steven Smith, so he outranked me by a
good margin. The military has a formal and expected way that you must address a
person of superior rank to show proper respect and to acknowledge them as your
superior. You are never permitted to address them informally by using their
first name or by simply using their last name alone. 




The expected way to address a superior is by preceding their last name with
their rank. Thus if I wished to begin a dialogue with Steven Smith I addressed
him as “Captain Smith.” If Captain Smith was speaking to me and it became
necessary for me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an order,
I could respond with “Yes, Captain Smith” or simply, “Yes, sir.” In a similar
vein, when greeting him, I could say, “Good morning, Captain Smith,” “Good
morning, Sir,” or even “Good morning, captain.”




There is a similar protocol when it comes to addressing a Dom or Domme.
Dominants typically will inform you of the honorarium that he or she expects
(e.g., Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, etc). My experiences with Mistresses has
been quite similar to my military experiences. Using one of them as an example,
named Emily, I was required to address her as “Mistress Emily” or simply as
“Mistress.” When Mistress Emily was speaking to me and it became necessary for
me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an instruction, I could
respond with “Yes, Mistress Emily” or “Yes, Mistress.” She also allowed me to
respond in such circumstances with “Yes, ma’am.” I have had dommes who did not
wish to be addressed as “ma’am” and forbid its use, eliminating that option.
Another domme I have had did not like to be addressed as “Mistress” and instead
required me to address her as Miss Angela. She too allowed me to use “ma’am” in
responding to her when she was speaking. 




The point is, as far as verbal training goes, the submissive is given a
particular way of addressing his or her dominant and adherence is expected.
Departure will likely result in swift correction. Many I’m sure are familiar
with the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” What it means is allowing a
person you have authority over to interact with you in an informal manner can
erode that authority and your control. Thus, to effectively exercise power over
them and command respect, they must be kept at arms length and allowed to
interact with you on only a formal level.




Asking Questions and Offering Comments




Another part of verbal training involves the submissive asking questions of or
offering comments to the dominant. In most instances, based on my experience,
the submissive is never permitted to simply blurt out a question or make a
comment without first asking permission (i.e.., “Master, may I ask a question”
or “Mistress, may I make a comment”). Of course if asked by the dominant if he
or she has comments or questions, then it is perfectly fine for the submissive
to ask the questions or make the comments.




Use of Third Person




Personally I think this next topic is an antiquated practice and actually more
suited to master - slave relationships than D/s, but invariably some dominants
still use it and so it bears covering. Some dominants forbid the submissive to
use personal pronouns (I, me, my, etc.) when referring to themselves. So for
example, referring back to the previous idea above, when seeking permission to
ask a question or make a comment, the submissive would state, “Sir, may this
submissive ask a question (offer a comment)?” or “Mistress, may your submissive
offer a comment (or ask a question)?” 




This practice can be taken so far as, “Mistress, would it please you for your
submissive to offer a comment?” When restricted from the use of personal
pronouns to reference self, it sometimes requires some creativity to form the
question or statement properly to comply with this speech restriction. I have
been subjected to this, so despite my own personal opinions about the practice,
it is still in use.




Similarly, a submissive may be restricted from laying verbal claim to anything
including parts of his or her own body, prohibited from using words like my and
mine. Thus, as an example, in times past I have been required to “present”
myself to a dominant, which is a formal ritual of sorts where the submissive
offers individual sexual parts to the dominant for his or her use and pleasure.
Thus, if I was offering my penis for the pleasure and use of my Mistress, I was
not permitted to say, when restricted from the use of my and mine, “Mistress, I
offer 
my cock
for your use and pleasure.” Instead I was required to say, “Mistress, I offer 
your cock
for your use and pleasure.” It sounds a bit weird at first, but as you may note
the later statement eliminates the word “my” and also at the same time
acknowledges that my Mistress rather than me owns my cock along with the rest of
me.




Other Speech Restrictions




Besides personal pronouns, many dominants often choose to restrict the speech of
the submissive in other ways. One personal example I have experienced is that I
once had a Mistress who forbid me to use contractions either in speech or
writing and if I did so, I received swift correction. Thus instead of “didn’t” I
had to use “did not” or instead of “wouldn’t” I had to use “would not.” A
dominant can simply choose any one word or multiple words and eliminate them
from the vocabulary of the submissive.




Use of Specific Words for Specific Things




The final topic I want to cover in verbal training is the required use of
certain words. It could be considered the opposite of speech restriction.
Instead of being forbidden to use a certain word or word form, some dominants
require the use of specific words for specific things. These requirements often
have a purpose and motive beyond just verbal training, but it still fits nicely
into the category. For example, a male dominant may require his female
submissive to use the word “fuck” rather than “sexual intercourse,” “tits”
instead of “breasts,” “pussy” or “cunt” in place of “vagina.” In the same
manner, female dominants may require a male submissive to use “dick” or “cock”
instead of “penis” and “balls” or “nuts” in place of “testicles.” 




Also, often to accomplish other purposes, the dominant may choose to use and
require the submissive to use unique words, especially for a one of their sexual
parts. The example I offer from my own past experiences is a female dominant I
once served who used the word “pussy” for my anus and the word “clit” for my
penis and required that I use those words as well when referring to those parts.
The primary purpose for this was that she knew it humiliated me since I was not
a sissy sub, but still it was a practice that falls into the verbal training
category.




There is probably a good deal more that could be discussed about verbal
training, but hopefully enough has been presented here to give new subs an
adequate understanding of what this category of submissive training entails,


Mental training


Mental training is next up in our examination of submissive training. Training
focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a
journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new
knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more
effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination
to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful
conclusion. While more specifically associated with sexual conditioning,
training a female submissive to orgasm on command can be considered a form of
mental training. 





Meditation and Keeping a Journal







To a great degree, the effectiveness of mental training is as dependent on the
efforts of the submissive as on the instructional talents of the dominant since
it involves matters of the will. For example a dominant may decree that a
submissive engage in daily meditation or require him or her to keep a daily
journal, yet it is actually dependent upon the submissive whether those
activities result in a meaningful outcome. 







As a person with a strong drive to please my dominant, in those instances when I
was required to meditate or journal daily, I did apply my best efforts to those
assignments and believe some of the most important breakthroughs I have
experienced as a submissive occurred while engaging in those activities. Both
provide opportunities for introspection that can reveal greater understanding of
your submissive nature and how best to channel it for the mutual benefit of both
partners in a D/s relationship.







Generally with meditation, the dominant assigns a focus topic and dictates the
environment and length of the meditation period. As an example, I once served a
Mistress who required that I kneel each morning for 15 minutes, immediately
after waking. I was instructed to open the blinds and curtains of my bedroom
window, remove all my clothing and kneel facing the window while meditating. She
would provide the focus topics for the time of meditation and after the 15
minutes were up, I was required to journal what I felt were the most important
answers or questions I came up with during the session. The sense of exposure I
think served to heighten the experience for me making if even more productive. I
did however make it a habit to be an early riser to minimize the chance of
anyone observing me in such an exposed state. 
*smiles*






Memorization







Memorization is sometimes used as a means of sharpening the mind of a submissive
or to help establish a specific mindset that the dominant wishes to instill.
While I have only had limited experience with memorization assignments
personally, I have known a submissive whose dominant required her to memorize
entire BDSM fiction stories and poems verbatim, which she was then required to
recite to him. My own experience has been limited to memorizing mantras, short
statements that I was often required to compose myself, which were designed to
pay tribute to my dominant or simply acknowledge her ownership and control.
Mantras are similar to the positive affirmations some people recite to promote
the flow of positive energies to help them make life changes. The dominant that
introduced me to mantras required me to compose a new once each week that I was
required to recite aloud from memory a specific number of times each day.
Personally, I found mantras to be very powerful in keeping me in a submissive
mindset.





Acquiring New Knowledge







In the interest of acquiring new knowledge I have often been given, especially
during the early years of my submissive journey, research assignments on topics
provided by my dominant that pertained to the BDSM lifestyle. For example I once
was assigned to research erotic humiliation. After completing the research, I
was required to write a paper in which I communicated the facts I learned about
erotic humiliation and shared my personal feelings about whether scenes
involving erotic humiliation were something that appealed to me or produced
arousal. 







Researching and writing assignments are often quite helpful in achieving growth
and having your limits stretched. It is also effective in simply learning more
about the lifestyle in general. Some dominants use research and writing
assignments to lay the groundwork before introducing a submissive to some new
scene activity that they have not yet experienced or that might even be a soft
limit for them.







Occasionally dominants go as far as requiring their submissive to enroll in and
complete formal education courses to enhance their general education or even
require them to study and learn a foreign language.







Bending the Will







Dominants often engage in mental training for the purpose of helping a
submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. One technique that I
have experienced was being given small repetitive tasks to complete with a
deadline. 







As examples I was required by one Mistress to email her daily by a specific time
before noon. In the email I was required to wish her well for the day, tell her
I was thinking of her and provide her with some bit of news that I felt she
would be interested in. Another required me to sign on to a chat messenger at a
certain time of day, every day unless prevented by work and remain signed on for
a specific number of minutes. On some days she would sign on and we actually
chatted but generally she wouldn't. The purpose of both exercises was to teach
me to bend my will to the Mistress and to show my understanding that my time
belonged to her to be used as she saw fit.







Oftentimes, activities like orgasm control and denial, clothing or food being
chosen for the submissive and a host of other things are required by dominants
for mental training purposes. Using orgasm control as an example, while an
activity that accomplishes sexual ends, it also reinforces for the submissive
the dominant's control and ownership, hence bending the will of the submissive
to the dominant's will.








In summary, mental training is one of the most effective tools in a dominant's
training tool box to instill knowledge, establish and maintain a framework of
control over a submissive and to reinforce obedient behavior.




At first blush one might be tempted to combine submissive emotional training
with the mental training category, but I believe the two, while akin, are not
the same. Recall the last time you did or said something when you were angry. It
is easy to see that emotions are not the rational cognitive thought processes we
think of when we use the word mental.












Emotional Training



The Emotions






Emotions, often called feelings include experiences such as love, hate, anger,
trust, joy, panic, fear, and grief. Emotions are specific reactions to a
particular event that are usually of fairly short duration.






Emotions and Submissive Training






Dominants subject a submissive to emotional training for numerous reasons and
purposes; to help the submissive overcome unhelpful emotions (e.g., fear, guilt,
shame), to control emotional expression by the submissive, to facilitate
openness on the part of the submissive and to extinguish things like dishonesty,
possessiveness, materialism, jealousy, stubbornness, resistance, bratiness,
surliness and egotism. 






Illustrative Personal Examples and Unhelpful Emotions






Conditioned to embrace conservative standards of modesty from childhood,
spending time naked alone and especially when in the presence of a female
dominant was something I found supremely uncomfortable. Until beginning my
journey into the lifestyle, about the only time I spent naked was when I was
either bathing or having sex. My very first dominant quickly became aware of the
emotional response that I had to being naked and decided that it was in my best
interests to cure me of the unhelpful emotions that being naked produced for me.






First she required that at any time I was in her presence I had to be nude yet
she remained clothed to heighten my awareness of my nudity. Whether we met face
to face, talked on the phone or chatted online, it became the rule that the
first thing I had to do was strip. Overtime I became acclimated to the nudity in
much the same way that a person gains a measure of comfortableness with being
nude in the presence of a vanilla romantic partner. 






She also required that I spend increasing amounts of time naked when at home,
from mere minutes in the beginning to entire days when I was not at work. She
then began requiring me to go to public places, like department store clothing
dressing rooms where I was required to get completely naked and then to stand
before a dressing mirror for prescribed amounts of time. Eventually, she took me
to places where I was required to be naked in the presence of other kinky
people. Over time, my negative emotional responses to nudity were extinguished.






Another example that comes to mind is training I received to overcome male
egotism. Men are typically ego-driven creatures to the extreme, perhaps because
our egos are actually quite fragile. All of my former Mistresses preferred
masculine submissive men yet without exception, all recognized that the male ego
had to be suppressed for them to establish and maintain effective control. They
employed emotional training to literally emasculate me to a degree so that my
male ego did not get in the way of my submission.






Being made to wear female panties was one such emasculating activity. I have
never quite gotten beyond all feelings of embarrassment when made to wear them,
but I have become more comfortable with it. Once humiliating, being made to wear
them now produces only mild embarrassment and actually does cause me to feel
aroused and submissive.






My perspective is limited to that of a male submissive, yet I can imagine that
female subs are often required to wear lingerie items like corsets, bustiers,
garter belts and other things by their dominants to achieve similar objectives.






Other Examples






Jealousy is a common emotion with both males and females. Dominants typically do
not find the expression of jealousy an endearing quality and most actively take
steps to quash it. In my own experience, I have belonged to dominants who even
if they didn’t have an interest in owning more than one submissive at a time,
would take on another submissive for the specific purpose of extinguishing my
feelings of jealousy. One in particular went a step further by requiring me to
be present and observe while she engaged in intimate play with another male.






Jealousy is a negative in the BDSM world because it demonstrates feelings of
possessiveness and entitlement, two things that a submissive is not permitted.
Dominants do not belong to us, we belong to them and thus possessiveness and
feelings of entitlement are reserved for dominants alone. 






Plenty of male and female dominants choose to have more than one submissive at a
time and/or may have a vanilla wife, husband or other romantic partner outside a
D/s relationship, another reason jealousy on the part of a sub can be
problematic.






Emotional Training and the Sexual






The last area of emotional training I will touch on has to do with how it is
used within the realm of sex. Sexual training is an entire category that we have
yet to cover, but there are aspects of sex between a dominant and a submissive
that fall in the emotional training area and so I will touch on it briefly.






If you have ever reviewed either alone or with a dominant one of the many
different types of 
scene
questionnaires
,
I am certain that many of you have probably seen certain erotic activities or
sexual acts that you simply can’t imagine participating in or enjoying. These
things might be your limits, either hard or soft. Dominants utilize emotional
training to help break down barriers and to stretch those soft limits by
eliminating the emotional responses that a submissive has to a particular
activity or act so that they become willing to at least experiment with it if
not eventually embrace it. 






Let us say for example a submissive female finds swallowing semen to be a
particularly revolting idea and perhaps does not even care for giving fellatio
to begin with. Feelings of revulsion then of course are emotive, the very
subject of our discussion. Oftentimes, if a dominant can successfully extinguish
a negative emotion that a submissive associates with the performance of a
particular act, like swallowing semen, she can then become willing to do it and
in time may actually learn to enjoy it, even crave it. How does the dominant
accomplish this? By requiring the submissive to do an act again and again, until
over time the negative emotional response is felt less intensely and perhaps
even extinguished altogether. The same process can be used to extinguish fear in
a submissive at the thought of participating in a wide range of activities and
acts.






My last illustrative personal example comes from an erotic activity that can and
is often a part of the sexual aspects of a D/s relationship. When first
introduced to BDSM, when faced with a questionnaire like the one I provided the
embedded link to, there were many activities listed that I considered either
hard or soft limits. But over the past decade, dominants have pushed and
expanded my limits to such a degree that some former hard limits were
transformed to soft limits and some soft limits were eliminated altogether.






Water sports, specifically urine play, was once something I considered a hard
limit and was unwilling to do. But while serving a dominant who found golden
showers to be highly erotic and an activity she definitely wanted to be a part
of our relationship, she subjected me to emotional training that eventually made
me willing to not only explore golden showers but that in the end turned
something that was a limit for me into something I too began to find intensely
erotic and arousing. 






First she convinced me to try peeing myself while taking a shower. From there
she encouraged me to pee myself while wearing underwear while sitting in the tub
or standing in the shower without the water. She then talked me into peeing on
my hand and smelling and tasting it to learn that it wasn’t really something
horrible. Finally in a play session one day, she secured my agreement to lay in
her bathtub while naked as she squatted over and urinated on my genitals. To be
honest, it required only a few more repetitions of that experience and a very
short time before I could, by merely fantasizing about the feel of her warm
urine cascading over my penis and testicles, experience incredible arousal. I
still have limits with respect to urine. I can’t envision myself thirstily
gulping down a glass of the golden Mistress nectar provided me by a dominant but
certainly that former Mistress succeeded in eradicating any negative emotions I
had about participating in golden showers.






It is my hope that I have provided now sufficient information and examples so
that my twin objectives for this category have been met. Hopefully the reader
now sees the concept of and the uses for emotional training from a clearer
vantage point and also is more clear about the differences between emotional
training and mental training. We are now at the halfway point, having worked our
way through the first four submissive training categories and have only four
remaining.




Practical skills training is perhaps the area with the largest variety in
training that a new submissive might be exposed. For the purposes of this
discussion I will divide practical skills training into three main areas;
domestic skills, social skills and artistic expression.






Domestic Skills






Domestic skills training is primarily concerned with real-life, D/s
relationships where part of a submissive’s duties relate to maintaining a
dominant’s household. As an example, a submissive either male or female, might
become responsible for meal preparation and if he or she lacks the food
preparation skills to prepare the kind of fare preferred by the dominant, the
dominant might choose to have the submissive enroll in culinary courses to
become a more accomplished cook.






In addition to cooking, there are a host of others domestic related skills that
I have known of a submissive being required to acquire, either from outside
sources or from in-house training provided by the dominant. One former Domme
assigned me to perform general housecleaning chores at her home and while for
the most part I was quite competent with regard to cleaning, she had some
particular results in mind and so spent a considerable amount of time educating
me to her particular standards of cleanliness and methods for obtaining them.
This included both demonstrations and a good deal of personal supervision until
she was satisfied that I could provide the results she was looking for.






I have also known other subs who were required to learn to do things like sew
and assemble specific outfits for use in scenes with their dominants and to
learn skills like spinning, weaving and furniture refinishing. It is not at all
uncommon for male subs who live with their dominant to be required to acquire
the necessary skills to accomplish minor household repairs and vehicle
maintenance tasks if they lack those skills at the outset.






If one belonged to a dominant who enjoyed outdoor activities such as camping, it
could easily be expected that the dominant would instruct a submissive in skills
like building a campfire, setting up a tent and outdoor cookery.






Social Skills






Social skills training that might be expected to be received by a submissive
whose dominant enjoys entertaining and hosting home parties might include
learning formal serving practices, place settings and presentation skills.
Acquiring or brushing up on social etiquette skills is another possibility for
those charged with preparing, sending out and responding to social invitations.






In some relationships, the submissive becomes in a very real sense, a personal
assistant to the dominant and may be called upon to answer personal
correspondence, return telephone calls and the like. Thus, a submissive without
good letter writing skills might receive personal instruction from the dominant,
some other qualified person or simply be provided with appropriate written
resources to help them develop letter writing skills.






Artistic Expression






The obvious skills related to artistic expression that a submissive might be
expected to acquire include learning to dance, sing, play a musical instrument,
paint or write stories or poetry. I once knew a submissive who had very poor
writing skills when she met her first Dom because she had always disliked
writing. He insisted that she improve those skills by taking creative writing
courses and in time she became a rather accomplished erotic fiction writer.






Craft making is another area related to artistic expression and a submissive
might be called on to learn skills associated with making BDSM specific jewelry
or BDSM toys and equipment like restraints, floggers, etc. I was once required
to design and make a 
“humbler” CBT
device because a former Mistress desired to employ one in our scenes and wished
to save me the expense of purchasing a commercial model. 






The kinds of practical skills training that a submissive might expect to receive
are really limited only by the interests, desires and creativity of his or her
dominant. The primary purpose of practical skills training is enable the
submissive to provide more competent and pleasing service and to help them
become more well-rounded persons overall.


Rituals


Rituals have been used by pagans and religions for thousands of years to deepen
psychic and spiritual awareness. At its most basic, a ritual may be defined as
any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured
way. Rituals are processed at the inner self or subconscious level making the
practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs,
self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals are a key part of submissive
training and a tool often used by dominants.






BDSM activities easily lend themselves to rituals. Dominants use rituals in
submissive training for two primary purposes - modification and maintenance.
Rituals have the power to modify and change the thoughts and behaviors of a
submissive, preparing them to serve and to grow in ways they would not otherwise
be able to do. Observance of rituals helps to ground a submissive by providing
times of inner reflection and giving a sense of form and grace to the services
he or she performs.






When activities, techniques and spirituality come together in the context of
rituals, there can be compelling form, grace and beauty in the practice and
experience of the BDSM lifestyle. Rituals can provide inner peace and
self-confidence for the submissive and can help form and strengthen the bond
between dominant and submissive. 






While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies,
formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are
however a few points that dominant’s generally bear in mind when creating and
using rituals.


  • Rituals have an exactly repeatable
    structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it
    become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.

  • Rituals should have a definite
    purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not,
    the dominant should be.

  • The most effective rituals have a
    direct link to specific activities or events.

  • Rituals should be simple, using
    relatively few words and acts.

  • Rituals should have a definite
    beginning and end.

  • The number of rituals should be
    limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit
    spontaneity.

Examples of Rituals






Remember there are no formally recognized rituals in BDSM, so here I offer only
some illustrative examples from my own experiences and the experiences of
others. There is no right or wrong way for creating and using rituals. Dominants
are free to design and implement rituals taking into consideration the dynamics
of his or her own specific D/s relationship. The types and uses for rituals are
really limited only by his or her own imagination.






Waking Rituals






A former Domme once required me to kneel naked each morning, before my open
bedroom window for 15 minutes. During that time I was to meditate on a
particular focus topic that she provided which changed sometimes daily and
sometimes weekly. Afterwards I was required to journal any thoughts or questions
that had occurred to me and then send them to her by email for review.






Another past Domme required me to masturbate to an edge, first thing every
morning before getting out of bed. While doing so I was required to repeat a
simple mantra that influenced me to keep in mind that I was doing the act as a
sign of obedience to her. This was quite challenging at times given that the
thing most of us need to do first thing upon waking is to empty a full bladder
and thus this ritual made me feel the dominant‘s control quite intensely. This
ritual had an interesting effect for me in that over time, I rarely awakened in
the mornings without already being erect, illustrating the power of a repetitive
act.






In both of these examples, the rituals met all of the criteria I spoke of
earlier. They were scripted, had a definite purpose (focusing me on the control
of my dominant), had a direct link to a specific activity or event (waking up),
were simple, using only a few words and actions and had a definite beginning and
end (e.g., time limit in the first, reaching an edge in the second).






Bathing Ritual






One female submissive I know of, was required to perform a ritual each time she
bathed or showered. She was required to strip naked, kneel in the bathroom floor
and then recite what I thought was a rather beautiful and meaningful mantra
before getting into the tub or shower. Once she had finished her bath and
shower, after drying off, she was required to kneel and repeat the mantra again
before leaving the bathroom. Again this ritual meets all the established
criteria. There was a script to follow, a definite purpose (focusing her on here
submission to her dominant and his ownership of her body), had a direct link to
a specific activity (bathing), simple and had a specific beginning and end.






Day Specific Ritual Examples






I have often been given rituals to observe by former Dominants that I was
required to perform on a set day each week. One of my favorites was a “commando
day" ritual instituted by one former Domme. Each Monday, I was forbidden to wear
underwear from the time I awakened until I went to bed that evening. It was
non-negotiable and so it didn’t matter whether I was working that day, on a day
off or on vacation. The best part of that ritual for me was that my Mistress
joined me in the ritual and did not wear panties on Mondays. Thus, my own lack
of underwear as you may imagine reminded me specifically of the fact that my
Mistress was also not wearing knickers and kept me focused on her in general
throughout the day.






A similar, day specific ritual was one where a former Domme required that I wear
female panties each Friday, from rising to bedtime, again irrespective of
whether I was working, off or on vacation, the panties were required to be worn
beneath my regular clothing. I was required to wear a specific pair that were
reserved only for use in the ritual. This particular dominant had me wearing
panties quite often so having a special pair for use only with the ritual helped
me to develop a strong sense of attachment to them over time. I also was
required to recite a brief mantra each Friday morning when putting them on for
the first time. And at the end of the day, after removing them before bed, I was
required to hand wash them and hang them to dry so that they would be clean and
fresh for the next week.






In these examples, the primary purpose of the first was to focus me intently on
my Mistress, to think about her throughout the day. In the second I believe the
goal was simply to focus me on the ownership of my Mistress and the fact that
she could impose clothing restrictions on me when she chose. They had a direct
link to a specific activity (getting dressed that day), they were simple to
remember and observe and had a specific beginning and end (waking to bedtime on
a specific day).






Other rituals with which I am familiar that subs have been required to observe
on a specific day each week include; being required to shave their pubic area,
wear an anal plug or vaginal toy for a prescribed length of time, female subs
being required to remove old polish and re-polish toenails and fingernails,
wearing a specific clothing outfit and wearing a simple rope harness or crotch
rope (bondage activity) beneath their clothing on a specific day. In this vein,
I was once required to sit on a toilet each time I needed to pee each Thursday,
regardless of where I was or what I was doing. A female submissive I knew was
required by her Dom to wear thong panties on one specific day of the week, but
with a twist. She was required to wear them backwards with the thong portion
between her vaginal lips. Another was required one day each week to sit
backwards (facing the wall) on a toilet anytime she needed to urinate. As you
may envision, this required her to undress from the waist down if she was not
wearing a dress or skirt and at the very least to completely remove her panties
numerous times during the day.






As you might imagine after reading these examples, a whole host of BDSM
activities and acts can be ritualized. All that is needed is a script, a
definite goal or purpose, a direct link to a specific activity or event and a
definite beginning and end.






You may have noticed, that I mentioned mantras numerous times in the ritual
examples I provided. Mantra are often used in conjunction with rituals and can
even form rituals in and of themselves. In the next post, I will discuss mantras
in depth and the role they play in submissive training.




Sexual Training




Sexual training is likely the category that elicits the most interest and likely
produces the most anxiety among those new to submission and the BDSM lifestyle.
I am confident that when just about any new submissive looks at a BDSM play
partner questionnaire for the first time, there are more than a few gasps of
disbelief along with frequent exclamations of, “Oh my god, I’d never do that!”






Sexuality in the Context of BDSM






Certainly BDSM includes many of the familiar vanilla-type sex acts and
activities, but of course a great deal more. People are unique in every way and
a person’s proclivities, tastes and appetites when it comes to sex is no
exception. What some people find sexually arousing can be a huge turnoff for
others and vice versa.






Beyond simple male-female, tab a inserted in tab b, penile-vaginal intercourse,
possibilities for sexual training topics for the novice submissive include
things like;


  • Learning to experience increased
    arousal

  • Learning to become sexual in new
    ways

  • Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g.,
    mental, moral, ethical, shame)

  • Erotic movement (e.g., erotic dance,
    striptease, pole dancing)

  • Restrictions on masturbation
    frequency

  • Orgasm control/denial

  • Overcoming body shame

Training and Development Assessment Phase






Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is
an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants,
strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes
sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and
sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives
in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.






Assessment tools often used include discussions between the dominant and
submissive, a 
play
partner or scene questionnaire
 and
written assignments given by the dominant to the submissive. The goal of the
assessment phase is for the dominant to learn where the submissive is in terms
of attitude towards service, towards a willingness to attend the needs of the
dominant and their attitudes towards sexual service and play. Limits, both soft
and hard are also identified during this phase. The assessment process when
concluded will reveal whether the two are a good match with enough common
interests to sustain a successful relationship. It also gives the dominant
insight into the specific areas of training and development a new submissive
needs and will benefit from.






Completing a play partner or scene questionnaire can seem more than a little
daunting as well as intimidating for a new submissive who in many cases may not
have a clue about what many of the listed activities entail. This obstacle can
be overcome by asking questions of the dominant for clarification and/or by
consulting a good 
BDSM
terms dictionary or glossary
.
That should provide at least a basic understanding of what unfamiliar terms
imply.






The Thrust of Sexual Training and Development






Just as in about any other training environment, the purpose of sexual training
is to promote growth, enhance skills, promote the acquisition of new skills and
to bring a trainee’s performance up to the highest possible level. The
submissive must be trained to the level where he or she can deliver efficient,
effective and pleasing service to the dominant and at the same time have the
most meaningful and fulfilling submissive experience possible.






Skills Improvement






We all come into the lifestyle with some degree of sexual skills from our
vanilla experiences. We may even believe that we are already very proficient in
a particular area like giving oral sex as one example. Still the truth is we can
always improve and learn new techniques. Thus a dominant may prescribe training
to improve the oral sex skills of the submissive. If for example, a female
submissive has never learned to deep throat, this might be a skill a dominant
would wish her to acquire.






Learning to Become Sexual in New Ways






Learning to become sexual in new ways implies the acquisition of new skills and
gaining exposure to new sexual activities. As one example, it is easy to imagine
that a new submissive with little or no anal sex experience, for whom anal sex
is not a limit, receiving training and development in that area. The are so many
potential areas for training and developing a new submissive and helping them to
learn to become sexual in new ways, that there are almost an infinite number of
examples one could envision.






Training Delivery Methods






The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is
dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes
places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences,
generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the
submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple
activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.






As one real life personal example, a former Domme was very enthusiastic about
orgasm denial play, something I had no experience with at the time. She
introduced me to it initially by simply forbidding me to touch myself sexually
or to have orgasms without her permission. At first for only 24-hour periods.
Gradually she lengthened the periods of denial, eventually up to a full week and
more. At the same time, while training me to denial, she introduced me to
extreme teasing so that the denial became a more intense experience. This was
accomplished in various ways. When actually with her, she might stimulate me
herself manually and with toys, make we watch as she pleasured herself or even
require me to masturbate while she watched. When alone, I would have task
assignments where periodically I had to masturbate to the edge of orgasm without
actually climaxing. Over time, more and more daily edges were required.
Eventually she required me to obtain a chastity device and locked me up which
then physically denied me access to masturbation and orgasms. The teasing then
took the form of her stimulating my testicles and anus, requiring me to serve
her orally or me being required to view porn or read erotica when alone, without
the ability to relieve the feelings of heightened arousal.






In online relationships, the distance element presents challenges, but actually,
with a little imagination and creativity, almost any BDSM activity can be
explored to some degree and training accomplished. The typical method of
training delivery in the online arena is accomplished by the dominant providing
the sub with tasks to perform. Written instructions or resources like
educational material in print or online can be provided to the submissive along
with the task assignments. The submissive researches the activity and then
performs the assignments. In many cases, after the task has been performed the
submissive either discusses the task experience with the dominant in chat or by
phone, or may be required to submit a written report on his or her experiences
by email. The report may be supplemented with digital photos to demonstrate
performance of key elements. It is also common these days for tasks to be
performed interactively on video cam while the dominant watches and gives
instructions.






While I began in the lifestyle in the real time environment, I actually had very
little introduction to anal play until one of my first online relationships with
a Domme. Recognizing that anal play was something I had little experience in and
was even at the time a soft limit, she soon began focusing on that activity in
my training. The first assignment she gave me was to research anal play on the
web to discover that there was nothing dirty or weird about it. Next she gave me
an assignment to shower and then to lay on my bed with a hand mirror and to
spend an hour exploring my anal opening and sensations it produced to massage
the rim and then penetrate myself with a lubricated finger. Eventually she
required me to obtain three different sized anal plugs. Starting with the
smallest one, I was introduced to inserting it and keeping it in for longer and
longer periods of time. I then graduated to the next size and finally the
largest. Then other types of anal toys were thrown into the mix until overtime,
I had a fairly broad introduction into anal play. Once I learned how pleasurable
it could be, anal play, once a soft limit became something I found truly
pleasurable and that really accessed my submissive nature. I was always required
to submit written reports on my experiences while performing the assignments and
often submitted digital photographs documenting my progress at her instruction.
With a little imagination, you can envision how similar techniques could be used
to train a submissive in almost any other sexual activity.






While far from an exhaustive treatment, hopefully this overview gives the reader
at least a better understanding of the topic, sexual training and more
importantly removes a little of the anxiety that many new subs feel about it.
Sexual training is one of the most important aspects in submissive training
because it is one area where a new submissive often makes some very surprising
discoveries about themselves as they learn new ways of expressing and
experiencing their unique submissive nature.


Discipline and Correction


Discipline and correction and how it relates to submissive training will be the
final category discussed in this basic introduction to submissive training
content and techniques. Some might see these two terms as meaning essentially
the same thing. Others might wonder why punishment was not included in the
title. To address the latter first, correction may involve punishment but
punishment is generally punitive while correction need not be punitive at all. A
review of the following definitions should show that while all three terms are
related, there are clear distinctions.






Defining the Terms
 





Discipline
 -
“Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral
character. Control gained by enforcing obedience or order. A rule or system of
rules governing conduct or activity.”






Correction
 -
“The action or an instance of correcting. A bringing into conformity with a
standard. Something substituted in place of what is wrong.”






Punishment
 -
“The act of punishing. Imposing a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation.
Inflicting a penalty for the commission of an offense in retribution or
retaliation.






Source: Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary






Clearly all three terms are related to a degree but each have differences in
meaning and context that demonstrates they should all be considered
independently.






What to Expect From Discipline and Correction Training






Discipline and correction covers a fairly broad area in submissive training,
including…


  • Maintaining stillness

  • Accepting restrictions on movement

  • Being unobtrusive

  • Posture

  • Being restrained

  • Delaying gratification

  • Acceptance of pain

  • Accepting punishment in the way
    dominant requires

A superficial review of the items listed should illustrate that when it comes to
discipline and correction, the new submissive should expect much more of the
former than the latter. Six out of the eight items listed have to do with
discipline while only two have to do with correction (including punishment).






Specifics of Discipline






Restrictions on movement is one aspect that I think it fair to say, every new
submissive will experience to a great extent, both in initial and continuing
training from a dominant. Typically except where freedom of movement is required
to accomplish some task assignment, such as household cleaning, gardening or
meal preparation, a submissive is typically not free to roam about as they
desire. 






When not actually serving the dominant or being used by the dominant, the
submissive is usually “parked” or placed on a specific spot to await
instructions or use by the dominant. When parked, the submissive is expected to
remain quiet, still and to exhibit good posture. At the very least, speaking
without permission (unless authorized in advance), fidgeting about or letting
the eyes roam all about the room are generally not permitted.






Real life D/s relationships involve a great deal more of this than an online
one, where the submissive generally enjoys greater freedom and autonomy. The
dominant may have to use more creative instructional methods to teach a
submissive discipline in an online environment. As an example, I was once
required to kneel in a designated spot in my own home for a half-hour at the
same time each day, forbidden to answer the phone, go to the bathroom, get a
drink, or anything else so that I could learn to accept restrictions on
movement, work on posture, and cultivate the ability to be quiet and still for
an extended period of time.






Specifics of Correction






While dominants are typically quite patient and give a new submissive time to
acclimate to all the new things encountered when new to the lifestyle, after a
certain point, the dominant will expect the submissive to have learned and
retain the things they have been taught. Early on, a dominant might just provide
a quick verbal correction if the submissive should forget a rule or do something
wrong but the time will come when mistakes will receive more firm correction
since the dominant does not wish the submissive to slip into bad habits.






Correction sometimes takes the form of something as simple as the dominant
making an on the sport correction during positions training like, “spread you
knees wider” or “move your knees an inch closer together.” These type of
corrections I tend to refer to as active coaching. Negative reinforcement can be
a feature of correction, but correction, unlike punishment is non-punitive.






Specifics of Punishment






While punishment will likely be experienced less often than either discipline or
correction, punishment is perhaps the broadest component under the category
simply because punishment can be meted out in so many different ways. Just as
some parents believe and spanking and others do not, there are varied
philosophies regarding how to punish among dominants.






Punishment can roughly be divided into two primary categories…


  • Corporal punishment

  • Non-corporal punishment

Corporal punishment






Corporal punishment in the form of spanking, whipping, caning, slapping and the
like is sometimes meted out as punishment but the use of corporal punishment is
in my experience used sparingly for several reasons. 






Some dominants see positive reinforcement as a better means of shaping a sub’s
behavior and so do not rely on the negative reinforcement of corporal
punishment. Another consideration is that many subs are masochists and so
corporal punishment might be perceived as a reward rather than as correction and
thus ineffective except when used with subs who do not have a masochistic
streak. 






Lastly, many dominants refuse to use things involved in play and scenes as
punishment because they do not wish to confuse the submissive, wishing to
maintain a clearly positive, erotic connection with these things. Thus if
spanking is often an activity used in play, it is unlikely to be used as a
punishment.






Non-corporal punishment






Non-corporal punishment techniques are the techniques more often used both in
real life relationships as well as online. Punishments of this type are
generally quite effective in getting a dominant’s point across and as will be
seen, lend themselves much more easily to online training than corporal
techniques.






A few examples of non-corporal punishments techniques often used include…


  • The submissive is not permitted to
    play with the dominant.

  • The submissive
    is not permitted to use the dominant’s name (e.g., Master, Mistress).

  • The submissive is not permitted to
    wear his/her collar.

  • The submissive is not permitted
    orgasms.

  • The submissive is not permitted to
    walk upright but must crawl.

  • The submissive is required to stand
    in a corner.

  • The submissive is required to write
    essays on the topic requiring the punishment or may be required to write
    repetitive sentences (i.e., “I will not whine, pout or behave like a spoiled
    brat”).

  • The submissive is required to eat or
    drink from a pet bowl.

Actually there are infinite possibilities when it comes to ways a dominant may
punish a submissive in non-corporal ways that typically are far more effective
than any type physical punishment that might be used. 






While far from an exhaustive treatment, hopefully this overview gives the reader
introductory exposure to the topic of discipline and correction and the role it
plays in submissive training. This concludes our introductory tour of submissive
training and it hoped that those who have taken the time to read these articles
have gained not only some useful knowledge but are now in the position to view
the prospect of training at the hand of a dominant with far less anxiety.






For those who may wish to use this series as a ready reference to refer back to,
please bookmark the introductory post, 
Understanding
Submissive Training
.
In the last section of that post, 
Submissive
Training Categories
,
there is a listing of the eight training categories and I have created in-text
links from each category to the appropriate post where the category is
discussed.


OBEDIENCE

There is obedience and there is obedience. What is commonly referred to as obedience is compliance to orders. What slaves require is an alignment of the will so complete that execution can occur without an order being expressed and so immediate the reaction is spontaneous.
Compliance goes through the mind. Obedience doesn’t. The work of slave development and related therapy is to rid the slave of all influences and reactions that force each order to go through the head for analysis before being acted upon.
Any issue of trust, self-esteem, self-image, fear, doubts, weakness, bad habits, need for justice, dishonesty, or any other conditioned response must be eliminated to instinctively act on real obedience alone. If we have personal doubt about the certainty of being “clean” of these habitual influences, each command must be referred to the mind to determine the legitimacy of the order.
The process of will alignment begins when we swear to obey unconditionally. Then, any reaction to an order that isn’t spontaneous, determines exactly where the next slave development work must be done.




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26 comments:

  1. An absolutely excellent set of guidelines and suggestions!

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  2. very, very insightful xthank you!!

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  3. Thank you I've been searching the internet for some time for information you have helped to ease my mind. Now I feel ready for my journey to begin.

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  4. Very well done. A must read for anyone new to the scene, D or s. Thank you!

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  5. Absolutely loved it!!! Thank you so much!!

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  6. Thank you so much!! This the most clear info I've been able to find!! It's very helpfull

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    Replies
    1. i agree....very informative and helpful

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  7. I can't put into word what this page could mean for me. Thank you!

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  8. My slave will enjoy reading this

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  9. Good lord. This is the worst piece of crap I've read (well, parts, anyway) since Battlefield Earth.

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    Replies
    1. It's funny how all the critical posts happened in a 24 hour period. Same anon posting over and over IMO.

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  10. Wow, this was pretty horrible

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  11. Much of this is BS. 50 Shades of Grey eat your heart out. Still, it provided a laugh.

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  12. Somone's been reading way too much Story of O.

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  13. The phrase "Uninformed Drivel" comes to mind. And I didn't even make it past your "position training" section. Not every Dominant does things this way, and there are more than a few who view the Gor books to be nothing more than poorly written science fiction.

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  14. As a 24/7 TPE slave with No Limits and No Safe words, all I have to say is

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA No.

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  15. This genuinely provided me with more understanding than anything I have received to read and I thank you. For this I am able to serve my master properly and have a much better understanding of all areas!

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  16. Why do people write negative things here? I am a long time Dom and have realized that each relationship is different. If you are a 24/7 slave with no limits and no safe words that is wonderful for you and I'm glad that it works for you, but that should not give you the right to criticize what works for others. You sound elitist, as if you are better than others. As a humanist who wants all to thrive, we should want everyone to succeed.

    I applaud the writer, I sent this to my sub, and want to thank her for her efforts and thoughts.

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  17. I found this very helpful and informative.
    Thank you male sub for taking the time to do this article. Was it an assignment? ;)
    As to the. 'no safe word' slave, you have been reduced to a soulless piece of meat.
    Enjoy your status. :p

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  18. For someone who is just learning the lifestyle this helps. I have a fiance who waited too long to tell me this is the life she wants. She is a TRUE Sam in nature and because I don't know this lifestyle has run rampant and caused many battles that I couldn't understand. This was a great way to show the basics of where to start with training myself to see the area's to begin my focus on and how to train her to break them! the haters that talk shit are just pathetic if they are so happy why did they need to criticize an honest piece of work?

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  19. Did you notice-- all that criticized, had nothing to offer? I am a 25+ year experienced Master and DaddyDom....yet I found myself searching the woefully endowed web in search of "Tasks", on the polite hint from a new female sub. I have always gone straight into discipline and training on a behavioral, and sexual template....Rule with an iron fist, and the slave will fall into place......but recently I realized I was lacking in the arts of daily tasks, mantra's, positive reinforcement, and things that would help engrave the Subs roles into their being, and HELP them be who they naturally want to be.....after reading your well thought out, and laboriously constructed writings, (for complete strangers, so thank you), I feel that lacking even more strongly. It was especially helpful to read it from a Subs prospective and experience...as knowledge and advice from one Dom to another is usually not too well received or heard.

    I intend to copy and paste at least half of what you have here, tweak some a bit to make it my own---but most of all, I am excited I now have a map, a framework of areas I see I've neglected, to become a better Dom, and help my Sub be the best she can be....and I thank you for your very honest effort and putting yourself out there to do so...don't mind the haters...they only show their pettiness and fixed outlooks. Sincerely, Master Robert ...TheAncientOne on Fetlife

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  20. This is the most intuative and complete, for it's genre, collection of subservient realations behaviour I've seen on the internet.
    To me, with the ideas it may merely brush across, inspires a small world of thought in that general direction to be build upon.
    If these critics are truely sincere about having within their arsenal methods so much higher at their disposal that it would make this work seem like some faint daydream, then we are really missing out on the best of life. And they should be honored to share with us.
    However, these serpentine tongues fall limp post their unconvincing venom.
    So where is it?
    Please enlighten us this lost treasure of divined etiquette along with your scat-slinging if you would be so generous. I'm sure it would earn you much favor with everyone here and then some. So come forward and receive your just glorification, praise, and fellowship.

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    Replies
    1. With so many words in the human language to describe what I have read here today, many fail to capture the hard work, the dedication and commitment, the thought, the openess in baring your own experiences coupled with your own thoughts and beliefs, and so much more. But for the sake of saving time i will simply describe it as the way it should be described. And that , My fine man, is incredible. I have been a in the lifestyle for a few years now, admittedly not as great a length as many I have come across, but still enough to know when I see someone that is not simply faking. For a Dominant, a true Dom/Domme, knows that this life is a journey. There is always more to learn and understand because it is ever changing and evolving. No two paths are exactly the same. I searched different ways to instill confidence in My pet while at the same time, tempering her to face the world stronger than when i took her under my wing. Your words have helped me to realize how and so much more.

      And as for those that redicule you and mock and laugh about how they are so much better. I have found that those that boast the most about their skillz, usually have little to none to show for it. Your work speaks for itself. And those that I have seen that support you, i tip My hat to you all for being the few that know what it means to be decent. Continue on your journey and I hope to hear more of what you have to say. - Patient Panther.

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  21. now to find slaves that will always fit that!
    S/f
    Gunner

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  22. Thank you for such complete coverage of the topic. I have been a Domme for over 12 years, and was glad to find new ideas to apply to the training of my subs. The presentation clearly shows not only your extensive experience, but also your intelligent articulation. Great job.

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  23. I have always had curiosity in the lifestyle especially the last 2yrs. Have been doing lots of research about the topic but failed to get anything like what you have here. Experiences & tips told from a sub is the most personal you'll ever find. You've managed to clear some doubts I had with such an intelligent report. Although my interest is in exploring/experience both the Dom + the Sub...

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